Marriage Works

Dear Philipa, I am afraid this may be a long one….I have been married for 30 years. We have 4 grown children, two at home. My husband retired from a government job early, but now works as a contractor in another state while I am at home. The goal was to pay off some bills before he ‘really’ retires in about three years. He comes home monthly and I visit him monthly. We have always had a rocky marriage. I was a stay at home mom and feel he resented me for it. I feel he would have respected me more had I been a bringing home a paycheck. We have had many fights over money and he has usually refers to it as ‘his’ money. I have always been secure with myself and while I have shed many tears over his past words, in my core I was always pretty happy with myself inside. I have grown to be insecure during these past couple years that we have been living separately. And while I don’t believe he has ever cheated on me, I have noticed his overwhelming compulsion with social media and I am quite certain he is addicted to porn. He also talks to waitresses and other women in a way that if I were the other woman, I would think he was flirting. He says he is not and I know I sound paranoid. I am